


Merlin Doesn't Actually Like Mangos

by TheoMiller



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, M/M, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, lolwut, mangoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:17:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/pseuds/TheoMiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When I die, may it be placed upon my tombstone that the most romantic declaration I ever wrote was, "I don't actually like mangoes".<br/>(AKA the one where a bunch of hippy vikings drug Camelot with magic fruit because they think everyone needs to loosen up a bit)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merlin Doesn't Actually Like Mangos

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Mango](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/74951) by freckleon. 



> Two things: one, this is set in a magical, mystical timeline where Gwaine and Percival are part of the knights, but Morgana is not evil and is in fact still our beloved season 1 babe.
> 
> Two, I blame all of this on freckleon, who got me into slashfic three (three?!) years ago. One of her fics is linked.

"It's true what they say about sailors and their ale," Gwaine laughed, clutching Merlin's shoulder like a lifeline. "I haven't been drunk under the table that badly in years."

Merlin grinned at him, shaking his head, as Gwaine climbed up the stairs on wobbly feet. "You're certainly making an impression. What on earth was that fruit they offered you?"

"Mangoes, they're called. Funny name. You should try them."

"I will," Merlin told him, and Gwaine beamed and clasped Merlin by both shoulders before leaning in and pressing a clumsy kiss against the corner of Merlin's mouth. Merlin blinked at him, but it was Gwaine, so it was hardly a shock. Gwaine was odd and affectionate, especially drunk.

-

"I like these. Make sure we keep a decent stock in the kitchens, and add them to my room."

Merlin nodded, scrunching up his nose. He didn't particularly like them, but Gwen seemed happier lately, and Morgana had actually been sleeping better since they'd become the castle delicacy of choice, so he couldn't complain. "I will," he told Arthur. "I'll have some in your tent for the rest of the tournament, if you'd like."

There was a roar of noise as the announcer declared that Arthur was up next, and Arthur went trotting off to the sound of cheering.

Merlin didn't need to watch to know that Arthur would beat Prince Thorinveld, but tourneys were starting to grow on him. Like a fungus. A fungus that hit other grown men with glorified sticks for fun, in front of everyone and their auntie. And often included handing already rich men bags of money for something they were taught because they had money. That for some reason led to more instances of Arthur nearly being murdered than most real battles. See? Totally growing on him.

Arthur beat Thorinveld, got a concession from the man, and then helped him to his feet as the people cheered. He was beaming when he returned to the tent, and Merlin opened his mouth to murmur, "Congratulations," only to be cut off by Arthur kissing him soundly.

It was only a second, but to Merlin it felt as though his magic had slipped free and slowed time to a near stop. Then Arthur was moving away, already chattering about the fight, and Merlin touched his fingers to his lips.

Merlin was moving then, before he could think about it, to turn Arthur to face him so he could swoop in and kiss him. Arthur stiffened for a moment, but then his mouth opened under Merlin's and he surged forward, hands going to Merlin's face to drag him in closer.

-

Merlin was grinning and humming when he returned to Gaius's chambers, where Gaius was telling Morgana that she may never need such a strong sleeping draught again if her current state held. Morgana positively beamed and kissed Gaius chastely before thanking him.

Merlin gaped at her as she hurried away, and she paused to press her lips to his cheek before cheerfully announcing she was going to go find Gwen.

"Uh," said Merlin. "She seems happy?"

"So do you," accused Gaius, fixing him with his eyebrows of death.

Merlin beamed. "I am."

"Dare I ask why?"

"I...can't really say."

"You're happy because of something secret, Morgana is kissing people randomly, the king is pleased with how this diplomatic visit is going, why am I working on my normal prescriptions? I should clearly be preparing for all-out war."

"Don't be a worry wart, Gaius. Even if something does go wrong, I'll fix it. I always do!"

"Hmmph," said Gaius.

-         

Gwaine was talking to Thorinveld and a few of the other knights when Merlin spotted him.

"Hey," he said, as he gathered a few empty goblets. Barely pausing in his joke, Gwaine kissed him on the nose, and Merlin went a bit pink. "Sir Gwaine, I have a message from Gaius if you have a moment?" he said hastily.

"I 'll be right back, gents," Gwaine said.

Merlin dragged him into an alcove the moment they reached the corridor. "I'm sort of having a... thing... with Arthur."

"Ahh, is that why he's been so cursed jumpy lately?" said Gwaine. "I think Percival and I might have a bit of a tryst going too. He kissed me after sparring earlier, but now he's pretending nothing happened. I might've spooked him."

"You should talk to him," Merlin urged.

"I think I will. So, what'd Gaius want?"

"Oh, I just needed to talk to you. Go find Percival, I'll cover for you with Thorinveld."

"You're the best friend a guy could wish for, Merlin!" Gwaine said, and kissed him square on the mouth before dashing off.

Merlin sighed.

"Kind of missed the point there, buddy."

-

It wasn't until the last day of the delegation being there that everything went to hell.

Uther stood up to make a final speech that concluded with, "and as a gesture of my good will, I offer the hand of my ward, Morgana, to Prince Thorinveld." Morgana dropped the mango she was peeling and it rolled across the floor of the great hall unnoticed over the sudden wave of shocked murmuring.

Merlin (and the rest of the room) turned to Thorinveld, who had turned to his father, and the mutters died off into weighty silence as all waited with baited breath.

"Uther," said the king, "I would be delighted to see the joining of our two houses, but... I did not marry for love, and it left me and the mother of my children miserable. On her deathbed, I promised to only let our beloved children marry for love. Son of mine, do you love the Lady Morgana?"

"She is beautiful," Thorinveld said, "but I would do her a disservice to lie and say I love her."

Morgana smiled broadly in happy relief, and kissed Arthur.

Merlin dropped his pitcher of wine.

Gwen sucked in a horrified breath.

"What the hell, Morgana?!" Arthur spluttered.

"What?" She said, "I didn't say anything!"

"You kissed me!"

"I did no such thing!"

"Oh," said King Woad. "I'm afraid I know what's happening here."

"Would you care to explain?" Uther said icily.

Woad looked hesitant, but Uther looked _livid_ , so he continued, "…Mangoes are a curious fruit, found far south of here. When those unused to them eat enough, they experience... certain effects." He broke off and glanced at Morgana.

"Sorcery?" hissed Uther.

Woad blinked. "Naturally not. The North may follow the old ways yet, but we are not fool enough to practice it here. They're simply an herb of peculiar abilities. See, when one eats mangoes, one tends to... kiss the nearest person to them whenever they're particularly happy. But they never remember kissing the other person."

"Oh my gods," half the room said, suddenly understanding.

Arthur looked like he'd been hit in the head with a particularly large blunt weapon, and Gwen positively _fled_.

-

"Arthur's avoiding me," Merlin grumbled. "I know he kissed me back, so why is he being ridiculous about this?"

Gaius sighed. "Morgana has stopped eating mangoes altogether, and is once again having her nightmares."

"I have to fix this," said Merlin.

"Unless you've found a spell for curing embarrassment, I doubt you can."

"No, don't you get it? Morgana kissed Gwen, that's who's around her the most when she's happy, and Gwen must've been kissing her too, and usually when people are both happy around each other and totally okay with kissing, they're in love!"

"That's illegal," said Gaius, without any real expectation that that would mean something.

Merlin scrambled to his feet and scampered towards the door, pausing only to say, "So is magic!"

-

Merlin left Morgana and Gwen in rather a hurry when they started snogging and made a beeline for Arthur's rooms.

The door was locked, and Arthur refused to answer Merlin's pleas for him to open the door, even when he threatened to be indiscreet and shout what he had to say. Merlin weighed the dangers of using magic in the open against shouting about how he loved the crown prince and quickly came to a decision.

"I'm coming in," he called, and murmured an opening spell.

Arthur was trying to hide in a wardrobe when Merlin strode in, spun him around with an exasperated sigh, and kissed him.

Arthur shoved him away. "Who gave you a key and a mango? Let me guess, Morgana?"

"No, Morgana is currently kissing Gwen. But never mind that. Arthur, I don't actually like mangoes. I haven't eaten any since the first piece you made me try a week ago."

"Oh."

"And I don't have a key. I used --"

"Your magic, yes, all right, I follow. Can we get back to the kissing?"

"How the hell do you know about the--"

"Contrary to what you think, I'm not actually an imbecile, Merlin."

"You're the one hiding from your servant-slash-lover in a wardrobe," said Merlin.

Arthur growled and silenced him pretty effectively with a kiss.


End file.
